jingle all the way

this is a meta masterpiece. i don't know how i didn't see the end coming. so fucking brilliant. i'd seen a gif of "put the cookie down!" before, and that is a phenomenal moment. and the lecherous neighborhood dad? it's all so fucking wonderful. i mean, except that the villain loser guy is also the lone black guy, which is a problem. but arnold fights a mob of santas! he punches out a reindeer! so if this was action hero christmas shopping, more stuff should get this treatment. i guess vin diesel's in some movie as a green beret/babysitter. that kinda thing.

hollywood homicide

i really gotta stop watching these dumbass movies. this was 2 hours of racist dad humor.

payback

this was a vintage caveman movie. the voiceover was really bad. the man kills people and suffers nobly and the woman is a hooker. the best part is how happy the torturer at the end looks, and how sad when the torture ends. the principled thing about the $70g is dumb as hell. it's all dumb

commando

this movie has this great, really racist groovy jungle fever soundtrack thing. and arnold - who plays a character named john matrix, which is amazing - goes out of his way to not kill anyone, until the end when it's all latinos, and he kills them all. also, like every latino guy had a mustache, which reminded me of the kohl in lone survivor.

 i'm gonna sum up movies going forward by whether they make the world better or worse. feels vaguely iffy, like some commie censor choosing what serves the revolution or not, but seems fun.

this movie makes the world worse because it's super sexist - standard issue shrieking woman - and advances the idea that the world is full of baddies that have to be murdered or else

terminator salvation

the whole "no fate but what we make" shtick is funny given how fatalistic the premise is. all these ppl have to die so one specific guy can live because everything is hopeless without him. the story this time is about connor leading badass missions to find/save kyle reese, but the movie woulda done well to laugh at connor. he's fighting to ensure his future existence. total megalomaniac

also, when did flames spurting from pipes become this dystopian thing? seems so inefficient and weird, esp for skytel. is there any engineering-type scenario in which that would ever happen?

also, when robots take over, they aren't gonna continue making robots in our image. they're all gonna look like daddy longlegs or something.

the terminator

i think this is the one with the wonky computer generated music that's immune to time signatures. apparently it's an accident, but lovely conceptual thing.

why is it that the crawling terminator is so much scarier than the walking terminator? just the showing that it never quits? probably also just that we think disabled ppl are creepy, or something.

there's really nothing to say about this movie

rambo

such a happy surprise that rambo's this progressive movie about "vagrancy" and villainous small town cops. also funny how rambo doesnt speak the whole movie until the end when he sobs through a monologue you can't understand anyway. the sheriff is the best character.

public enemies

is it called public enemies the way it's called the bicycle thieves? nice little nod to the criminality of the FBI? evidence would be the torture it helpfully documents - tho it makes a point of visually ostracizing the agent who beats up billie - and the mention that purvis kills himself. evidence against would be the interview with billie at the end, where the agent with the kind eyes tells her dillinger's loving last words.

anyway. it'd be cool to track how long it takes to romanticize an outlaw in film. unless that happened even when he was alive? maybe the codes in the 1930s kept that from happening?

johnny depp is such a beautiful man, and wears those sunglasses so well. christian bale is admirably creepy.

stupid deliberately sloppy camera work meant to convey poetry or smething

transformers age of extinction

that was dumb as hell. it felt like i "got my money's worth" tho. like michael bay and the producers figured there was no point in cutting anything out. it's not like there's some core. elegant story to adhere to. there's just shit piled on top of shit. so there's extra for the shit lovers. i mean, i like action, and i was frequently bored during the action.

i did watch the whole thing. mark wahlberg is a cave man babe. it's a terrible movie.