isn't it crazy how one can't just scream? it's an ironic nightmare, because it's the inverse of that storied fear: "no one can hear you." but in a city, it's kind of a suffocating thing to have all these anonymous ears enforce a certain decorum. one can scream among friends, i suppose. but on the street? in an apartment? i just want to scream because i want to let something out of myself. it'd be a scream for me, not for help. and i can't! i don't want a goddamn knock on the door! what a peculiar agony, what a tightness in my chest.
a body just feels a bit small sometimes, that's all. i'm sure jumping jacks would do the trick just as well, but they'd present their own difficulties with the neighbors; plus the leaping and clapping thing feels a bit stupid. it just doesn't smack of anguish, and i kind of relish feeling that.
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