having dignity

it's funny how having power in this world is the power to ignore other people. the most wretched thing about homelessness is how you can't distill your social interactions down to the ones you want to have, you have to be open to everyone. this is literalized, of course, in the case of the homeless person because they are ON THE STREET, but it puts having a door in a new perspective. as much as it's about keeping out the weather and other dangerous things, it's about having the ability to shut the door on that which you don't like, to make them unseen. the more powerful you are in the world, the more doors both literal (in your large house? THREE different bathroom doors to slam?) and figurative you'll have to close on people.

I was thinking of this because of ipods, and their headphones in particular. headphones are a kind of door we can carry everywhere. HA! you know how people sometimes just DO NOT hear you despite yelling at them comically and embarrassingly loudly? we always excuse that kind of thing, for our own sake, as just loud music. But i wonder if someone has pulled that shit with no music at all, just embracing their right to not talk to you if they don't want to. headphones are a symbol of impunity to ignore other people. anyway, this is terrible for so many reasons. but as it relates to this social distillation, it's terrible because it empowers everyone to wield that dubious power, to take comfort in the sense of superiority that comes from having rejected other people. but it's an ultimately hollow one, being in that house with 30 doors gets rather stagnant, and to stretch the metaphor, one gets a draught from opening them strategically. how terrible that in public we should have that right to that solitary dignity, a dignity which is really just a way of declaring your loneliness purposeful.

there is a boy sitting across from me with an exquisite little face and fancifully swoopy hair. what a pretty little person. he has a budding mustache but it's so small that it's pretty too.