am disgusted, exhausted with this stupid thing i've been writing. it's sprawling, incoherent, wrong. i can't pull it together, i can't make it into anything, and it's really getting me down. it's like a foot on the neck of my dreams, all those stupid sentences, i don't know what i've been trying to say. stupid stupid stupid. i also have a hot pepper flake floating in my throat, it feels like it gusts around whenever i take a breathe before resettling on another piece of flesh at the back of my throat, like a fly that isn't much scared of you anymore but still goes through the motions.

ah what utter shit. i want to go get quite drunk.